Is Individualism Good or Bad?

It has been said that marriages are tested by three “wolves.” The first is natural adversity. Trails and difficulties that will test the marriage. The second is one is our own imperfections. Two imperfect people trying to make a marriage strong and lasting is daunting. The third wolf is individualism. This wolf, I believe, is the most destructive. I feel that our individualism is directly linked to how we deal with or conquer the first two wolves.

To understand individualism, we must look at it in context. Individualism at its core is not a bad thing. The idea that a person is autonomous and should be self-reliant is not wrong. It is the extent that we take our search for autonomy that is dangerous to our very nature. Our overall purpose on this earth is to learn to become more Christ like and return to our Heavenly Father. While that is an individual endeavor, the best way to achieve Christ like qualities is through relationships.  So, we should be concerned with ourselves, but it is through connection with others that we can then “forget about ourselves” and serve with love. Society has recently leaned toward excessive individualism, where we encourage others to only do what makes themselves happy, not make commitments, and look out for yourself first. While this may be enticing, it goes against our very nature. In The Family: A Proclamation to the World, modern prophets teach that our eternal identity is within a family. We are part of a heavenly family, as children of God, and we can create families in this life that can last forever. This truth testifies that we are not meant to be alone. We have always been and will always be part of something bigger than ourselves. This goes against the current view of individualism.

Now why is the individualism wolf so destructive? When we focus on ourselves, we find it more difficult to deal with adversity (the first wolf) because it is easy to bail when things get tough. If we are married and things get difficult, we will think about ourselves and not about the good of our spouse or the marriage. The second wolf of our imperfections is made worse with individualism. Excessive individualism teaches that we a perfect how we are, and if someone doesn’t like it then they can leave. In my own marriage I have found that when my spouse or I turn inward too often then we are being selfish. This has caused a wedge to form that is difficult to solve later. Excessive individualism doesn’t allow us to grow. If we treat our imperfections as an opportunity to become better with in a marriage, then we develop a closer bond and love for our spouse.  

We are meant to create bonds. Some of the sweetest moment come from the bond between a parent and child or between spouses. We were created to find meaning in this life from our connection and commitment to others. Excessive individualism will be the wolf that devours us if we let it.